Easy Ways to Keep Passion Alive

As we are all aware, comfort and security are at odds with excitement and mystery. But when it’s about relationships, we want all of them combined in one person. That’s one of the reasons relationships are complicated. So, how do you keep passion alive in your relationship?

Psychotherapist Esther Perel is an expert in sex and relationships. She traveled the world to ask couples when they feel more drawn to their partner. She found out that imagination is the keyword associated with desire. When we are not physically near our partners, our mind is free to wander and mean that desire can only be triggered when our partner is traveling or when we don’t see him/her for days. Even a comfortable distance can do the trick. For example, some women, interviewed by Perel, mentioned that the view of their partner at work with suit and tie has the power to arouse desire. Or for some, seeing a partner doing some kind of physical work, sweaty and using well-defined muscles, can quickly wake up passion and desire. Seeing each other in a new and positive way can ramp up passion and excitement. That’s when the heart (and other body parts) can say “hey, I didn’t know that about you!” and desire is off and running!

Marcel Proust said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.” So, when we look at our partner from a distance and see him/her in a different situation, radiant and confident, our sense of wonder gets teased and connects with our sleepy passion. When we go pick up our partner at work, we see him/her in a new environment, and this sense of novelty can also create attraction. The message is “See, you don’t know everything about me. There are many mysteries still to be discovered”. And that’s an intriguing message.

Perel believes that sex is not something we do, but it’s a mental and emotional place we go. It’s a place where we find more than the physical act. We bring a different part of us into the bedroom. For some people, sex is a spiritual experience. For others, it brings out their playful side and naughtiness. These different sides of us create a sense of mystery and curiosity. Hence giving vitality to the relationship and helping to keep passion alive.

You don’t need to break the bank and book a trip with your girlfriends to create
distance – here are some easy ways to keep passion alive:

Keep the mystery

If you have been in a relationship for a while, you feel probably at ease hanging out naked around your partner. If passion needs imagination and mystery to survive, seeing each other naked in a non-sexual moment creates a habit and kills the sense of wonder. When you go to the bathroom, and your partner is in the house, close the door whatever the activity is. Even if you are putting on makeup,  keep the secret of how you do it. Surprise your partner with the final result.

Show that you are independent

Many couples do everything together and go out with the same friends. This is
another factor that can contribute to reducing desire in the long-term.

Independence is sexy because it creates that space needed for desire to grow. Keep and maintain your own interests and friends. By showing that you have other interests to your partner, then he/she will enjoy the discovery. However, independence can trigger possessiveness in some partners. If that is the case, then honestly, you may need to find someone who is more coe is sexy because it creates that space needed for desire to grow. Keep and maintain your own interests and friends. By showing that you have other interests to your partner, then he/she will enjoy the discovery. However, independence can trigger possessiveness in some partners. If that is the case, then honestly, you may need to find someone who is more confident with themselves. They shouldn’t be afraid to lose you just because you go out without him/her.

Plan date nights

Date nights are essential to the survival of a relationship and will help keep passionalive. Ideally, if you can afford it, you should go out once a week to try a new restaurant, or get a cocktail. If you have kids and you don’t have a nanny, or you can’t afford to go out once a week, try at least once a month. Date nights are a great way to introduce novelty in the relationship. It’s not just going out that makes date nights important; it’s in showing up differently than in everyday life that allows date nights to stimulate interest and desire. Use date nights to learn more about your partner and to share more about yourself than usual. That makes these essential events something to look forward to, even if it’s only to take a walk together and grab coffee or ice cream. It’s not what you do on your  date nights, it’s how you choose to show up.

Show different sides of your personality

Our personality has many different shades, and it’s important to use all of them to
color the relationship. Playfulness is essential to the vitality of a relationship—and not just in the bedroom. Laughing is sexy and good for relationships because it releases stress, puts us in a good mood, and releases inhibitions. Humor will certainly help to keep passion alive in your relationship. We can never know everything about a partner; there is always something new, something we’ve not know about before, an area of interest that’s a surprise, a memory that has a deep root in the mind of our partner. When we allow our partner to experience something new in us, something we haven’t shown or expressed before, it expands his/her perception of who we are, and it goes a long way toward keeping the mystery, and thus the passion, alive.

The bottom line is that desire needs space, big or small. Imagination, mystery, and curiosity can be triggered in many different ways, and they are important allies of passion.

Remember the power of touch

It’s easy to remember that touch is essential for human beings (actually for all living things) when a relationship is new, and equally easy to forget as time goes on and the relationship becomes familiar. But that’s when touch is even more important. Just a small and tender touch – touching your partner’s hand, hair, face as you move past him/her, something simple but powerful, a way to remind your partner that he/she is important to you, can make all the difference when it comes to keeping passion alive.

Human beings need to know that they matter, that they are important in some way. Touch is a lovely way to express it. Don’t reserve touch only for sex; it’s a basic need in every situation.

(Thanks to Chiara Townley for some of the ideas presented here)